Hello from the Other Side of the Mask

If you haven’t already, we highly suggest reading our other updates about COVID-19/coronavirus, too!

Here it is April and signs of spring are everywhere*—the mating call of the American woodcock, killdeer, and ruffed grouse are daily filling the air. Just a few days ago I heard the first croaking of frogs as evening fell. Hang in there everybody—the leaves will be unfolding soon and the air will be soft and warm again. 

I want to mention a thought or two about grief during this unusual time we are living in.

There is a chance that many of us are experiencing different levels of grief as a result of the changes we have been asked to make in the last month. The big and obvious ones affect everyone: not working, staying home, social distancing, hand washing, using more lotion on said hands in a day than you ever thought possible, and many many more.

There is not much space in our society to feel sad when we are sad. The message seems to be that if we are silent and focused on other things, those feelings of grief will pass or go away. We also trivialize grief in our culture, explain it away with thoughts and statements like, “at least we...” or “things could be worse...” etc.

While this conditioning may help us get the laundry folded or dinner made, the grief doesn’t dissipate just because we keep our minds focused on other things. It might postpone it, but it doesn’t address it.

For families welcoming a new baby in the coming months, these changes have big implications on how we can and cannot welcome our wide-eyed wonders. Baby showers, community meal support, places for older children to visit, grandparents visiting, support people during birth, are all up in the air as to what will be possible. At this time none of it is possible. This is a great loss for the families having the baby and a loss for the people who love you and want to support you and your family during the postpartum period. As a result, houses may be messier, meals may be sporadic, tempers may flare quicker. Sleep deprivation is real and can impact everything. 

“The best thing you can do is listen, and then listen some more. And then listen some more. There is nothing you need to fix.”

So instead of just carrying on with a stoic attitude, I suggest finding some time to grieve.

What might grieving look like? Talking, crying, yawning more, talking with a partner, friend, or relative about what you will miss as a result of these changes. If you are the one on the listening end of the conversation, the best thing you can do is listen, and then listen some more. And then listen some more. There is nothing you need to fix. Just listen attentively with a kind look on your face, pleased to hear what this person has to say, without comment or reflecting on your own life. 

We do not know when we will be able to rely on these very important components of family/community support so until then, and possibly afterward, find people you can build a listening relationship with and take some time to notice how you are actually feeling. It may help us stay a bit more relaxed when life looks chaotic. 

Be well,

Chris, Emma, and Julie

*This was written before the freak snow storm and the wild winds of today! We hope all of you have your power back.